The most erotic story ever in the history of the world!!!!

NOTE! This post has been changed from it’s original. That and it’s not written to anyone specific. I use the name Sara in blogs for almost every woman’s name. It’s just easy to type. Oh, and if the real Sara is reading this, then forget what you just read. I wrote this for you and I mean every word in it. (Did that work?)

I can’t wait to see you after work Sara. I’ve been thinking about you all day long. I had the sensation of smelling your perfume even though your not here. It made me think of all the good things about you. Just the thought of seeing you smile made me happy the entire day. Tonight is going to be great. When you get home I’m going to show you just how much I adore you.

The first thing that I’m going to do is pour you a glass of wine. Then we’ll sit down on the couch and I’ll listen to you talk about your day. Don’t leave anything out. Not one detail. I will hang on your every word as if it were coming from an angel. Tell me about that girl from accounting and how she blackmailed her way into a promotion. Tell me about how someone took your parking space. Let it all out. It’s okay. I want to hear it. Tell me everything. There’s nothing sexier than listening to you talk about your day. I’m so turned on by it.

After our conversation, I’m going to take out the trash for you. That’s right, I’ll take it all out, even the small cans from the bathrooms. I’ll do it just for you baby. I’ll even take the cans out to the curb for pickup tomorrow. While I’m out there working for your love, I want you to lay down, put up your feet and take a nap. You deserve it Sara. Drift off and dream of a shopping spree at the biggest shoe store in the world. Just let your mind escape for a while.

When you wake up, I’ll have dinner ready for you and it won’t be take-out. It’s not good enough for you. You deserve the best Sara and that’s what I’m going to make for you. As we sit down and enjoy the meal, I want you to feel free to ask me anything you want to. I’ll tell you everything your heart desires. Ask me about where this relationship is going, I’ll tell you that it’s going to eternity. Ask me who the best I’ve had in bed was and I’ll tell you that it’s you sweetie. Ask me if I think that you’ve gained weight and I’ll tell you that you are as thin as a rail and then hand you a piece of warm bread. I’ll ask you if you did something different to your hair and then tell you it is the perfect style for your face. I’ll tell you that the jeans you are wearing were made to show off your perfect ass. Ask me what friends of yours I think are pretty and I’ll tell you that none of them can compare to your beauty. It’s making you hot isn’t it? It’s okay to feel that way. Don’t hold back, let your inhibitions go. You’re safe with me.

After we’re done with dinner, I want to you go to your bedroom and turn on the T.V. to watch that Lifetime movie you have been waiting to see. I Tivo-ed it for you and deleted the commercials. It’s okay, I’ll do all of the dishes. I’ll even wash each and every single plate and glass by hand before I put it into the dishwasher. Like that don’t you baby? Ya, I know you do. I’ll even wash every piece of flatware by hand also. That’s how much I care for you. That’s the kind of effort and attention to detail that you deserve Sara. You’re so sexy I can’t help myself.

After I’m done with the dishes, I’m going to come upstairs and treat you the way a woman should be treated. I’m not going to hold anything back. I’m going to put everything that I have to offer into making you feel like the sexy woman you are Sara. That’s right, I’m going to give you a foot massage and then paint your toenails. Like that? I know you do baby, I know you do.

Oh, I have one more thing for you, my love. All of the laundry is washed, folded and ironed if needed. It’s all for you Sara. You are my everything and more.

20 Responses

  1. Now if I could only find a man like this!

  2. This one is too easy Samone. “YOU JUST DID!” HA! I had to say it.

  3. Let me rephrase that… One in Australia… who would want me!!

  4. You are so full of shit it is oozing out of my computer screen.

  5. *sighhhh…..

    now I’m all warm and fuzzy inside..heh

  6. Um, what is flatware?

  7. Ahhh nope… it’s not doing much for me.

    - Sara

  8. Do me baby! Hahahahah

    Not really. What would a woman actually DO with a man like this, anyway?

  9. Vanessa- It’s silver wear. You know, knives and forks and stuff like that.

    MIM- Not a big fan of Lifetime, huh?

    HPS- Well, if it were just a special occasion kinda thing, then I’m guessing that she should brag to all of her friends about it. If it happened all of the time, then she should be worried that the dude is completely unstable.

  10. this is the funniest shit ever

  11. Huh. I’ve never seen me a flat fork…

    Don’t you call it cutlery? Americans are weird, man…

  12. Yuck, that is some stalker shit. Let me guess…the guy allowed her to roam the house for a while after he untied her from that dark basement?

  13. Why do I have the feeling that the woman in the story is dead?

  14. PS There’s only two stories under sex? Come on dude, get crackin’!

  15. Stiletto- Here’s how this post came about. My friend Cass got this super strange E-mail from some dude she didn’t know. It was basically this really weird, misogynistic attempt at writing erotica. It was like uber creepy. Anyways, I wrote this post for her going in the total opposite direction as a joke. That’s where this post came from.

  16. Thanks for the clarification. Starting to worry.

  17. jeeeepers!! Shoooo weee I just slid off my chair…that made me very uncomfortably hot…! Why?

  18. Wow me too !!!!!!! I want a man like this ..please..If you find him send it to Dublin please!
    Many thanks.

  19. I think this guy would be quite boring. What’s to whine and complain about? That’s half the enjoyment of a relationship isn’t it?

  20. I love how so many female posters croon over the idea presented in this story. If the genders were reversed, and it was the woman offering to do all this sweet stuff for the guy, women everywhere would be up in arms about how the patriarchal society forces women into these submissive roles, blah blah blah etc…

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