Boo-boo No-no

As some of you already know, I’ve had some really bad dates before. This is the story I alluded to in my comments from my last bad date post. Once again, I’m going to call the woman in this story Sara, just because it’s easy to type. Here it goes.

So, I was set up once again from a wife of a friend of mine. Not a big deal. She didn’t over sell the woman I was to go out with or anything like that. All she told me was that Sara was nice, intelligent, funny, stylish and loved animals. I figured that it couldn’t be as bad as some of the previous dates I’ve been on, so I agreed to the blind date. I called Sara and set up a date for that weekend at a restaurant in Waikiki named Duke’s.

It’s the night of the date and I’m sitting at the bar having a beer, waiting for Sara to arrive. The bartender was cool, had a lot of good jokes and knew a thing or two about hockey. We just bullshitted away, passing the time until Sara showed up, about 35 minutes late and with a companion.

Sara’s companion was a small dog, I’m not sure of the breed, that was tucked away, safe and sound in a purse made to carry fashion accessory type dogs. The dogs name was Romeo and apparently, he wasn’t quite finished with his favorite T.V. show and he couldn’t find something to wear for the date. That was the cause of the two of them being late. Even though, that whole thing seemed kinda odd to me, Sara was like lava hot and had all of the right curves in the right places, so I let it slide and we went to get a table.

After about 10 minutes or so of conversation, it’s blatantly obvious to me that this was not going to be the future Mrs. TommyT. Every single sentence that came out of her mouth started with a long drawn out “Ummmmmmmmmmmm” followed by a head tilt and confused look. After that, the words that came out of her mouth typically didn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about and didn’t really seem to make any sense to me, or the people sitting at the next table (they kept on giggling). Here’s pretty much a typical back and forth between the two of us.

Me “So, I’ve heard that you like animals”

Sara “Ummmmmmmmmm (head tilt, confused look) Well, dolphins are like super intelligent and can talk to each other just like we can. Cats are mysterious and interesting, but I like my little Romeo”

Me “Okay, how long have you had Romeo?”

Sara “Ummmmmmmmmm (head tilt, confused look) what do you mean? Like in this life or in a previous one? Like I’m totally into the whole past life thing. Maybe we knew each other before? Maybe you were Romeo before like in the 23rd century or something like that?” (BTW, she actually said, “23rd century”)

Me “If I were Romeo in a past life, wouldn’t that make it kinda hard for the two of us to be here at the same time?”

Sara “Ummmmmmmmm (head tilt, confused look) you’re like smart and stuff. I like that in my men. Isn’t that right Romeo? (Insert random baby talk to the dog)”

I know that it seems like I’m making fun of Sara and, well, I kinda am. Here’s the thing, Sara was an extraordinarily kind person. I don’t think that there is a mean bone in that woman’s body. She had a lot of good qualities to her and was an all around great girl. It’s just that, because she was so attractive and came from some money, not too much was ever expected of her. She had a weekly allowance form her Father (she was 26) who also paid for her rent. She got most of her information about the world from E! Entertainment Television, US Weekly and from other various tabloid type media outlets. She was one of those girls that was supposed to just be pretty, follow fashion trends, marry well and have babies that the nannies raised. Kinda sad when you think about it.

The thing that I found the most interesting about Sara was that she was perfectly happy just being herself. Maybe she was just unaware of what people expected of her? Maybe she knew it and had just accepted it? Who knows, but how many people have you met in your life that were just happy being themselves? Not many I’m guessing.

Despite all of her good qualities and let’s face it, her fantastic boobs, this was going to be our one and only date. I just can’t date someone who I can’t talk to. Trust me, I’ve tried before and it just doesn’t work out. There has got to be some sort of a mental connection for things to work out in a relationship and Sara and I just didn’t have that. It’s just one of those things I’ve learned along the way.

We finish dinner and leave the restaurant. On the way to her car, Romeo had what Sara affectionately referred to as a, “Boo-boo No-no”. Basically, he shit in the little purse thing. Apparently, this sort of thing happened frequently and Sara was prepared to deal with it. She set the purse thing down on the sidewalk, pulled out some wet wipes from the side of the bag and opened it up to take care of the “Boo-boo No-no”.

As soon as Sara opened that purse, Romeo made a break for it. That little dog bolted from the bag quicker than anything I’ve ever seen before and made a beeline right into the street. The smell of burning rubber and the loud screeching of tires filled the night air. In order to avoid all of the gory details, let’s just say that the taxi won and Romeo was sent to a better place.

FUCK!

Sara flipped out. I’m not talking about the kind of reaction that would have been understandable in this situation. She completely lost it “mental patient off their meds” style. Arms went flailing and words that have yet to be invented came out of her mouth at a rate that was, to say the least, impressive. She couldn’t be consoled and wound up laying flat on her back in the middle of the sidewalk crying and screaming.

I did everything that I could to help out. I tried to hold her and attempted to provide some sort of comfort. I was also trying to deal with the crowd that witnessed the event as well as the taxi driver who just kept on repeating, “I didn’t see it!”. Things were not good. The police showed up due to the commotion and started to ask the people gathered around what happened. They eventually made their way to Sara and I. Sara was able to talk, barely, at this point and we started to tell the cops what had happened. Out of nowhere, right when the officer opened his little notebook, Sara looks at me and says, “Why did you let him go into the street?”.

FUCK!

Now the cop thinks that I’m the one who sent Romeo into oncoming traffic and gave me one of those looks that could only mean trouble. I’m guessing that the cop was a fellow animal lover because he treated me as if I had punted Romeo directly into the taxi. I was cuffed, read my rights and thrown, not placed, not directed to, but thrown into the back of his squad car.

FUCK!

I sat in the back of the squad car trying to plead my case to anyone who would listen. Of course, that’s what everyone does in that situation and I was treated just like those people are normally treated. I was completely ignored. Sara was taken away by another police car just as the animal control van showed up to collect the remains of Romeo. Things were not looking so good for me, but at least I wasn’t the one being scooped up by a spade from underneath a taxi. Things could have been worse.

Eventually, the cops pieced together what had actually happened from the testimonies of the taxi driver and some of the witnesses. I was let out of the car, the cuffs were removed and the cop gave me an honest apology. I told him that there were no hard feelings and that, if I thought that someone had drop kicked a dog, or any animal, into traffic, I pretty much would have done the same thing. We shook hands and I went off on my way.

I tried calling Sara the next day to see how she was doing and to offer my condolences for her loss. It seemed like the right thing to do. There was no answer on her home or cell phone. After several attempts at contacting Sara over the next few days, I got word from my friend’s wife about how Sara was coping with her loss. It wasn’t good. Sara was holding up at her parents house and under some pretty heavy sedation.

I felt really bad for her. I’m guessing that Romeo was one of the few that never expected anything from Sara, but loved her unconditionally just as she was. We should all be so lucky to have someone in our lives like that.

If you do have someone in your life like that, please, whatever you do, keep them out of oncoming traffic. It never ends well.