Take a second, think about it, babies can’t fly.

So, I’m on this plane and there’s this kid, screaming his ass off…FOR AN HOUR!

I’m sitting on the aisle, trying to drown out the tantrum with my iPod blasting the band, TV on the Radio, and it just isn’t working. For a mini kid, he had a fully developed set of lungs and apparently, some form of mutated vocal chords that allowed him to scream at each audible frequency, simultaneously.

Talented? Yes.

Annoying? You bet.

Some of the people around the aisle starting talking about the situation and what they would do if it were their kid disrupting the flight. Now, to be fair, I’m sure the Mother was mortified and doing the absolute best she could to handle the situation. When a kid gets his mind set to screaming, there really isn’t that much anyone can do about it.

A few people said they would walk the kid around the plane and a few suggested animals crackers as a bribe for good behavior. One lady suggested, in jest, that a gin and tonic would help (she seemed like that type that was more than familiar with the results of a gin and tonic). When people turned theirs heads to me and asked what I would give him, I without thinking said, “A parachute would work”.

Nobody got that I was joking.

So now I have a screaming kid on a plane, I’m exhausted from my trip, semi deaf from my iPod and everyone that heard me say the word parachute, thinks I’m the type of guy that would actually toss a kid out of a airplane.

I’m no doctor, anthropologist or aerodynamics expert, but I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that babies, toddlers and mini kids are not capable of flying under their own power. Tossing a kid out of plane would just be wrong, plain and simple. Sure, I did say that I would give him a parachute, but the kid wouldn’t weight enough to make something like that practical, let alone safe. Seriously, some 40 pound kid floating to the ground in an adult sized parachute would have a strong possibility of catching a cross wind and being blown to who knows where. Not to mention that fact that high voltage power lines, trees, buildings, other aircraft and carnivorous birds of prey that catch their meals mid air would all be serious obstacles to a safe landing. Handing a kid a parachute at 35,000 feet, traveling at 600 miles per hour and tossing him out into the wild blue yonder just would not be a good idea. It would be the exact opposite of a good idea, which is a bad idea.

So, I didn’t think before I opened my yap and now, everyone is looking at me with utter disgust and contempt. A small hush kinda came across the cabin of the plane and the people who heard me were all thinking, “Did he really say…that?”. Yes, I did say that and I know I shouldn’t have. Whenever you give other people the opportunity to jump onto a heard of moral high horses, they are going to take that opportunity and run with it. It’s just they was it is and I know that better than anyone.

The good thing is, the change in the mood of the plane was just enough to pique the screaming kid’s attention enough to distract him from his would record attempt at piercing ear drums. He looked around, then looked at his mom and fell asleep.

So, maybe my parachute idea wasn’t so bad after all?